I'm blowing everything up on purpose. I want them to hate me. I want Cal to hate me. I need them to. There's no way that they can want me around like they do.

let the bomb go off around me and watch the pieces fall. 

Unless...unless I have to do what I did before. I have to trade. I have to make them feel good. 
That's how it was before...before before before before 
And now its after
But it feels like in-between. 

And that's all that mattered was the in between. 
In between legs. Their legs. My legs. 

Maybe not this time. Maybe not. 

I can make you feel good. They made sure I knew how.